Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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