Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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