Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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