I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
