My nipple is on Facebook.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
