I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
