Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
