After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
