Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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