walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
