I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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