Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
