I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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