So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
