Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
