Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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