All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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