take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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