Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
