he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The air was thick with penises
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
