I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Someone signed my nipple.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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