is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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