I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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