Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
