I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
