Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
