I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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