so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
