the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
