u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
