New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
