yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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