Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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