Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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