then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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