Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
