college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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