Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
