If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I supernannyed him into submission
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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