What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
