But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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