My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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