I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
