it hurts more in the daytime
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
