Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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