yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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