i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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