and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
