Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
