Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
