New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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