when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
