her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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