At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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