So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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