I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
