I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
