I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
