Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
