tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
