The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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