I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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