Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
