Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
