She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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