Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
