I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
