I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
well you can't waste a boner
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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