two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
tell me about the eggs
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