never play flip cup with pint glasses
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
