Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
