it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
