I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
