I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
only if we run a train.
done.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
