Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize