I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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