hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
