she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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